Online Chats: What is the Best Thing to Ask When Chatting?

Starting a conversation in online chats is much easier than making the conversation so exciting and varied that the conversation partner does not leave the chat.

The secret of promising to get to know each other through the exchanged messages is to ask the right questions. The following guide reveals which questions in chat rooms lead to success or are taboo.

Small Talk is the Best Way to Start a Conversation

Pursuing the goal of finding the first words that the chat partner will remember as unforgettable builds up far too much pressure. In online chats, a conversation can therefore start with a little small talk.

If the weather or the question “How are you?” is not original enough, a chat can also start with questions about the next travel destinations or the favorite ice cream.

These questions are harmless and the conversation partner usually doesn’t need very long to find an answer.

Online Chatting

If it is a chat room that is used for flirting, the conversation may also start with a compliment. If there is no photo or more information about the person, it is worth taking a closer look at the nickname in the chat.

These names can be original and funny, or they can contain references to the first name or hobbies. If the chat partner first reads a compliment about the choice of the nickname, it is also more likely to receive a response after this positive start.

The Personal Address Counteracts Anonymity

The world of online chats also brings with it a certain anonymity. This is definitely a double-edged sword. On the one hand, this anonymity helps people to talk to each other more quickly, and on the other hand, there is often a barrier that is difficult to overcome.

One option to avoid a too superficial exchange of messages is to use the given name or nickname. This makes the conversation partner feel more quickly addressed personally. In addition, the use of a name is an indication that a message was not just copy + paste.

Even in online chats, the conversation partners appreciate it when several conversations are not conducted in parallel.

Not Every Message Has to Consist of a New Question

In a chat, it’s not uncommon for the conversation to linger on one topic at a time. In flirt chats, for example, it may be about planning for the future or expectations for a relationship, while in other chat rooms the conversation may focus more on favorite movies or planning the next leisure activities. Constantly steering the conversation in a different direction with new questions can be interpreted by the other person as disinterest in the answers given.

Finding a topic that strikes a chord with both conversation partners is also a good indication of initial common ground. Talking for more than an hour about spices or study trips to a particular country can in this respect be an omen of interest in further chats.

Irony and Sarcasm are Not so Easy to Detect in Texts

In text messages, it is unfortunately also possible to unconsciously hit the wrong tone. The easiest way to put your foot in it is with messages that are either meant to be sarcastic or contain an ironic undertone.

For this reason, it is important to keep in mind not to have a conversation with a friend or family member. These people are able to put the messages in the right context because of their personal experiences.


On the other hand, it is easier to show this part of your personality if it is a video chat. With providers like, the webcam or cell phone camera also plays a decisive role. Two chat partners are selected at random, and the pictures from the camera give them a visual impression of each other.

If facial expressions and gestures are added to the words, it is much easier to distinguish an ironically intended comment from insulting or hurtful words.

Questions About Music and Movies are a Helpful Indicator

If a chat conversation threatens to stall, it’s helpful to reach for topics that everyone has formed an opinion about. At the top of this list of topics are the favorite music genre or even the favorites among the movie genres.

If a question leads to a topic that the chat partner has a real passion for, such as rock music or comedies, a conversation picks up more quickly. Knowing these details is also useful for dating, as the same interests are less likely to cause conflict in everyday situations, such as going to the movies.

To select a suitable question, it is helpful to use chats such as In addition to the people, clues can often be discovered in video recordings.

If, for example, movie posters can be seen in the background or music is playing, it is very likely that these are interests of the chat partner. Responding to these also signals a high level of attention and is perceived accordingly by the other person.

Do not Ignore the Questions of the Conversation Partner

A conversation in chats can serve as a pure pastime or pursue a very specific goal. This ranges from finding new friends with the same hobbies to looking for the next life partner.

In the head, there is often a list of positive characteristics to be taken from the answers, as well as exclusion criteria for further online chats or even personal meetings. Wanting to work through this list as quickly as possible with one’s own questions often proves to be a mistake.

Making it clear that the conversation partner is very likely to be pursuing a similar goal helps to get more involved in real conversations.

The course of the conversation, therefore, resembles more a genuine getting-to-know-each-other and less a one-sided job interview.

The other person’s questions should therefore not be ignored but should have just as much importance in the conversation as one’s own list of questions.

Questions that are Better Avoided

Not every question asked in an online chat triggers gales of enthusiasm for creativity or a clever line of questioning. This is natural and does not devalue the entire conversation. However, there are some questions that are definitely red flags.

These include, in the first chat, all questions about real name, place of residence, address or even the address of the workplace.

Especially women choose anonymity in chat rooms for security reasons. If this aspect is not sufficiently taken into account in the question, the chances of a second conversation are rather poor.

Controversial topics such as politics and the financial circumstances of the chat partner should also be avoided. Questions of this type quickly lead to chats that take on a negative undertone.

For this reason, questions that lead to the chat partner having the feeling that they have to justify their own opinion or lifestyle are to be avoided.

If you exclude these topics in the initial conversations, you can look forward to significantly more contacts in online chats in the future that do not end after the first exchange of messages.

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